(no subject)

[starparking]

Is it really THAT socially unacceptable to "tell someone this cool fact I learned!" or drop something ONE TIME, or get annoyed by people coughing all the time?! I just don’t get it!

I have lost friendships, gotten expelled, and countless other things because of this petty shit!

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith]

>> Is it really THAT socially unacceptable to "tell someone this cool fact I learned!" or drop something ONE TIME, or get annoyed by people coughing all the time?! I just don’t get it! <<

Mostly it depends on the subculture you're in.

* Nerds consider it fun and attractive to share facts, especially odd or obscure facts, as well as ideas that can be used immediately. But a lot of non-nerds hate it.

* Dropping things depends on what is dropped, whether it makes a mess or breaks, etc. but also the social context. It is polite to say something to defray tension, and just pick up the dropped thing without making a huge fuss over it. It is not polite to harass someone about having dropped something -- but this is a thing some people do who like to use manners as a way to mistreat others.

* get annoyed by people coughing all the time?!

Many people are annoyed and distracted by random noises like that, but it's a range; some can't stand it, most are mildly annoyed, others don't care. The touchy part is that coughing is largely involuntary and people's health is private. Normally the most that happens if you bring it up is the other person gets annoyed because they have a cold and can't afford to skip whatever activity you're sharing. But I had a college professor tell a student who was coughing persistently in a lecture that she should get a cough drop or leave the class. After the class, I overheard her explanation -- she had cancer. *cringe* So if you have to raise the issue, it's best done in private, just in case the problem isn't actually fixable.

>>I have lost friendships, gotten expelled, and countless other things because of this petty shit!<<

Ideally, friends should be people who share your interests, enjoy doing the same things, and don't have so much friction that you can't work it out. You may need to look for friends who are a better match.

Schools are often intolerant nowadays. I used to get kicked out of classes for pointing out where the book is wrong. I wound up learning far more on my own than I ever did in school. YMMV on that.

I also read etiquette books in junior high and high school; most libraries will have a shelf or so. It's useful for studying the theory of why there are manners, theoretically to provide social lubricant, and it can work that way. But often people just use them to hurt each other, which is not okay. Anthropology and psychology are also useful for exploring the different systems of behavior that people have and why. It doesn't make rude or stupid actions any less so, but can help you avoid traps or abusive situations.

[starparking]

is that a yes or a no